The NotSoSecret Secret Affair
by Cozzybob
Summary: Dorothy boasts a secret that Relena has long ago figured out, and the creeper suddenly becomes the creepee. What is Doro to do? mainly het with ref to yaoi, oneshot


**The Not-So-Secret Secret Affair  
**by cozzybob 

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Dorothy, Relena, Quatre, Heero, Duo or even Trowa OR the idea of any of them sharing the same bed with one another. That doesn't stop me from pretending, though. :cough: I did not and never will make any money off of this. Thank god.

**Archive: **FFN and Kiyasama's Project Greenlight Fanfic webbie all under cozzybob. If you like, you want, you ask, I'll say yes. ; I don't bite the hands that feeds me, ne?

**Rated: **R for mature themes

**Pairs: **4xD, 1xR and a very brief ref to 2x3

**Warning: **possible blasphemy, several refs to het sex, kinky-ness, and other such horrible things. Dirty humor. Supposedly fluff...:winks at D-sama:

**Note: **This one was written for Dulin because months ago (several, that is), I promised her a fluff and all this time I've been trying to write one. Figures that I'd do it on a day when I don't really have time to write anything, but what the hell. I'm happy for it. This is for you, D-sama. This whole time I've been trying to write fluff in a yaoi setting, and I realized something--I'm on a 4xD streak! I need to write 4xD, damnit! They're always funny, right? Hope you enjoy. It's not angsty what-so-ever, I promise. (Why is that such a scary thing to believe?)

**Second Note: **Also written for the livejournal community gwjeopardy--game 1, table 2, row "Girls and Garters," category "leather and lace" for 600 words. :huggles the mods of the best community in the entire damn world:

* * *

"I've got a secret," Dorothy sang with a little jingle. She swayed her hips as she moved around the table, sitting gracefully across from her best friend.

Relena just sighed. "Is it something I really want to know?" Relena appreciated her own naivete sometimes. She knew Dorothy far too well by now.

Dorothy smirked, her eyes twinkling. The Brows of Death quivered like a python preparing to strike and Relena coiled slightly, unsure how to escape her predicament intact. Dorothy's smirk grew to a grin. "Oh yes, you'll want to know."

A honey-blonde brow lifted. "Really?" Then it went down again. The voice was hushed. "You didn't kill anyone, did you Dorothy?"

A modest shake of the head. "Nope, not this time."

"Was it poison?"

"No."

"A drug?"

"No."

"Did you threaten someone?"

"...No."

Relena didn't miss that hesitation but left it. "You didn't hurt anyone?"

"No, Relena."

"You sure? I don't want this to be one of those--"

"Relena! It's not like that!"

Relena's eyes widened. Was Dorothy getting indignant?

A sly smirk suddenly formed on the ex-Queens face, and pale blue eyes twinkled in recognition. "Ah... did you by chance... stab anyone?"

Dorothy gawked and it looked so unnatural on her face that Relena had to check twice to be sure she wasn't hallucinating. But the vision did not change. She just barely saved herself the embarrassment of laughing uncontrollably at her best friend. The look on Dorothy's face was precious.

Dorothy hissed at her in a stony voice, "How did you know?"

Relena shrugged and played ignorant. "Know what?"

"Oh don't play that on me, you wench. How did you _know_?"

"Dorothy I really don't know what you're--"

"Quatre. You already know about Quatre." The voice was condemning. "How the hell could you know about _Quatre_? You ruined my surprise!" Dorothy loved her surprises.

Relena smiled awkwardly and turned a pale shade of pink. "I have my sources..." There was an amused mumble of something about a closet that made very loud noises.

"You spied! You _spied_ on me, didn't you?" Was Dorothy shrieking? That was shriek, Relena would know what shrieks sounded like, and that was most definitely a shriek...

A quirk of rose red lips. "So? Since when did that make any difference? I seem to remember you giving Heero pointers about our sex life. I never did thank you for that, actually. Who knew Heero had so many kinks?"

There was a flush of rage. "You spied! How dare you spy!"

"Doro, you're overreacting. I didn't spy, I just... ran into you both at the most inconvenient time."

"When was this?"

"Two months ago."

"And you didn't say anything?"

"You're the voyeur, not me. Although, he did make some pretty great sounds. You're lucky, Quate's rumored to be a sex god. I've heard stories--"

"Stories?"

"Dorothy, please..." Relena's eyes begged for reasoning. "Don't be a hypocrite. You've got a tape of Duo and Trowa for god's sake."

"More than _a _tape," came the silent mumble.

Relena let that one pass. She wasn't the least bit surprised.

She leaned forward and put a comforting hand on Dorothy's shoulder. "Listen to me Doro." Dorothy looked up and cocked her head to the side, her face carefully concealed to the point where Relena couldn't tell if she was actually upset or faking it for her own amusement. But then again, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out the most logical choice in the matter. Or did it? Dorothy was never so simple.

"If you like Quatre," Relena said in her war-is-bad tone of voice, "...you should stay with him. He's a great guy, he has plenty of fortune and he knows how to please the crowd. He'd be great for you..." A pause. "Oh hell, I don't care how it happened. I just want you to be happy."

Dorothy's eyes narrowed. "You don't like it, do you?"

Relena found herself bursting at the seams with a sigh. "No," she said honestly.

Dorothy cocked a wicked eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Because it shouldn't work. You two are..." Relena waved vaguely. "...a walking dichotomy," she drawled.

"A walking dichotomy?"

"Like Bible slash."

Dorothy's eyes suddenly got very wide. "Relena!"

"What?" Relena looked around, terribly confused. "What's wrong with that?"

Dorothy grumbled. "You're a terrible sinner, Miss Relena Peacecraft."

Relena shrugged.

There was silence for a while.

Then...

"You really don't think it'll work?"

"I didn't say that."

"You said--"

"No, I said it _shouldn't_ work. Never said it wouldn't."

"Will it?"

"Maybe."

"You're sure?"

"Possibly."

"Relena, it's a yes or no question."

"I can't do that."

Dorothy was suspicious. "Why not?"

There was a smirk. "Because you're never that simple."

"Relena--"

"Just keep him, Dorothy. Make yourself happy."

Dorothy rolled her eyes. "You're always a goddamn romantic, aren't you?"

Relena batted her lashes and said nothing.

There was yet another sigh.

"You ruined my secret," she said.

"Your secrets are fucked up anyway," Relena drawled in a very unlady-like manner.

Dorothy ran a hand through her hair and stood up. There was faint smile on her face that seemed to burn on the edge of darkness, and with a voice that could have made the devil change his ways, Dorothy said, "I know. I'll be right back."

And she was gone for several hours.

--_Fini_


End file.
